Thought implanted by Kat Stevens: Romantic movies set all women up for failure!!! No man in the world says the shit that guys say in cheese ball romantic movies!! Women write them for men to say, hence our constant disappointment with the men in our lives.... For shit's sake I am totally positive that I have never been called someones own brand of heroin.... or the butter to their bread, in any type of non coerced conversation. Sure I could implant the thought that I am my husbands own personal brand of heroin in his head, but my husband has never even smoked pot, those words would never come out of his mouth! Seriously, the whole man saying something that makes us fall down on the floor with our legs in the air thing, sorta never happens in real life!
And the smoking hot sex scenes.... UM no. After the first year of being with someone they have a sense of entitlement. They roll over and pretty much say, ya wanna? I have asked around. It's not just mine! Don't get me wrong the actual carnal pleasures are still way fucking worth it. The two hour long foreplay where the clothes fly and the hickeys abound.... Phhhst, that shit is long gone. Most nights were both lucky to get off before we fall asleep. Little hard to go for meaningful wonderful foreplay, when ya know for a fact, the alarm is only a few hours away... Foreplay sometimes consists of, hey I took an ambien!
Serious, a trip to the couch to watch a TV show without a fart is good enough for me anymore! I see all these chicks who try to make like their dude is actually romantic, ummmmm NO! Good luck, I am positive your dude farts, and laughs.... or worse and you have to deal with it too.... and that's not mentioning all the other unromantic things that they do... leaving the toilet seat up, picking at body parts while watching TV, showing you weird shit that comes out from the picking, total inability to remain silent during teary parts of movies....
It doesn't make my husband any less in love with me, just because he farts during conversations. If I ask how I look, I know his first glance is to my tits... and he says fine. Burping after a good meal now means "Hey babe that was good shit". These are just real life things that happen in life. He isn't going to change into some fictional character from a movie just cuz I want a little more romance then I am going to lose 50 pounds and all of a sudden decide I want to bring a chick into my bed. I'm a realist people, and no man in his normal fucking mind is going to NOT check out your tits and your ass when you ask how do I look. I doubt if he got a terminal cancer diagnosis he would take the time to collaborate with my mother to write me a series of letters to help ease my pain, and help me transition into another relationship.... but I do know that he would do whatever the fuck he could to make me happy before he kicked the bucket. He'd also make sure his life insurance policy was huge and current hopefully.
Do I want Gerald Butler to walk into my job and lists reasons he is in love with me, Umm DUH of course.... More realistic, I'll curl up with a Gerald Butler movie, and hopefully have a good dream after I fall asleep...
On an opposing note, for the ladies.... Seriously, watch a fucking porno with him. Try not to laugh, I guess it ruins it for them... Personally I find it difficult to not laugh, I have never in my life seen ANYONE make those faces in real life!! Show a little tit every now and again, everyone likes to see em if ya got em! Take care of yourself. If ya slouch around in sweats and a pony tail all day, how the fuck is he supposed to want to take you to the bedroom and ravage you??? DUH, I mean we don't generally want to screw a scrubby looking,stinky, greasy looking man. Generally, ya get what ya give. Why on the gods green earth would they wanna bury themselves in your, ummmm, sideways smile, if it isn't taken care of, anymore then we wanna play with the, ummmm ,mushroom, if the soap has been 3 years removed. And dudes.... a lil trim wouldn't kill ya either. Besides, it makes it look bigger, something you are all obsessed with. PS, a little hint, size does matter. Both ways... chicks don't wanna see a pencil, or the one up mushroom from Super Mario, but we also don't want to wonder what internal organs are going to be impaled. If no one has laughed when ya pull your pants down, or grimaced with a look of anticipated pain and agony, your probably OK.
If sex is the drug, then what is the cost ...... PAPA ROACH
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