A little intro....
I obviously have way too much time on my hands. I recently watched a very long slightly boring, ultimatley good movie Julie and Julia..... Long story short, bitch writes blog, bitch gets grumpy, blog gets noticed, bitch gets happy.....
SO here I am, at work, trying to hide the click of the keys, about to blab my lifestory, to a either noone, or a bunch of people who don't give a shit anyway.
I'm 31, I'm married, I have three kids and one step-child, 4 dogs, one cat, a bearded dragon... and a partridge in a fucking pear tree. We live in Pueblo Colorado..... We own our home, we mostly pay our bills.... we mostly survive. Sometimes every now and again, we thrive.
The last year of my life has litterly sucked. I visisted home in May for a high school reunion.... travelled with someone who is totally wonderful at home, and makes the world's worst travel partner. Had lunch with my dad.... high school reunion.... blah boring blah, bought a bunch of bootleg purses and sunglasses......
June, life was normal.... for about a week...... and then my father's wife called me. Said he was sick, and that she was worried. They found something on his lung xray.....
Week later.... He was on a vent and I flew home. Stayed for 2 weeks, did what I could. He was getting better, feeling better..... still some fucked up shit, and we knew we were gonna deal with some. Scope says: Cancer, lung cancer.... and because of all the complications, we had no clue what kind.
Come home, cuz while I was gone, my daughter went through a bunch of stuff. Personal private stuff, she's 11....
Wasn't there when Pop needed me..... Wasn't there when my daughter needs me....
Personal issue, I know, but I have this whole superwoman complex. Gotta be there, gotta do it. Take care of everyone, take care of everything. My personal version of hell..... Not being there when I am needed. Sort of goes along with the fear of not being needed I think. I am middle of the road, cute but chunky, middle aged now.... given my families lovely genetics.... 31 is middle aged for us.
So, now here I am. About to use and abuse my right to free speech..... I guess saying I am middle of the road is only half true, can you a moderate extremist? Hence the Serenity in Turmoil, I seem to enjoy walking contradictions better then anything..... and they are very fitting to me personally......
Ok, so flash forward..... It's now December..... I have no fucking Christmas spirit at all. I am so not fa la la la-ing.... I had the hardest time yesterday. I was totally faking the funk and just trying to get the friggen xmas tree up... ya ya ya I know my dad died this year.... mourning and all I don't have to put one up... but again. I have kids.... I really don't want my father to haunt me about not giving them a tree, I'd really rather he haunt me to let me know where he put the effing will... but ya know.... any who.....
So I am digging through the boxes of shit we have collected over the years... all snowmen and Santa... eww...
and hiding in the corner of the last box was a pile of last years Xmas cards.... SWEET! Nope.... bottom of the pile is last years bday card from my dad..... Boo..... so much for hoping the decorations would put me in the holiday mood.....
Anyways I probably suck at this, I am OK at writing the kids book reports and science projects... but those audiences don't really have a choice.... So I am shooting my rambling brain into the Internet to see what comes back.... some advice from the cosmos that does NOT consist of... It gets easier.... some fucking aspiring phone psychic who claims to know where my old man hid the extra copy of the will.....a shitty email from his wife's daughter who will prolly recognize the story.... or maybe, nothing at all.... some fucking peace from the voices that don't shut the fuck up.
I obviously have way too much time on my hands. I recently watched a very long slightly boring, ultimatley good movie Julie and Julia..... Long story short, bitch writes blog, bitch gets grumpy, blog gets noticed, bitch gets happy.....
SO here I am, at work, trying to hide the click of the keys, about to blab my lifestory, to a either noone, or a bunch of people who don't give a shit anyway.
I'm 31, I'm married, I have three kids and one step-child, 4 dogs, one cat, a bearded dragon... and a partridge in a fucking pear tree. We live in Pueblo Colorado..... We own our home, we mostly pay our bills.... we mostly survive. Sometimes every now and again, we thrive.
The last year of my life has litterly sucked. I visisted home in May for a high school reunion.... travelled with someone who is totally wonderful at home, and makes the world's worst travel partner. Had lunch with my dad.... high school reunion.... blah boring blah, bought a bunch of bootleg purses and sunglasses......
June, life was normal.... for about a week...... and then my father's wife called me. Said he was sick, and that she was worried. They found something on his lung xray.....
Week later.... He was on a vent and I flew home. Stayed for 2 weeks, did what I could. He was getting better, feeling better..... still some fucked up shit, and we knew we were gonna deal with some. Scope says: Cancer, lung cancer.... and because of all the complications, we had no clue what kind.
Come home, cuz while I was gone, my daughter went through a bunch of stuff. Personal private stuff, she's 11....
Wasn't there when Pop needed me..... Wasn't there when my daughter needs me....
Personal issue, I know, but I have this whole superwoman complex. Gotta be there, gotta do it. Take care of everyone, take care of everything. My personal version of hell..... Not being there when I am needed. Sort of goes along with the fear of not being needed I think. I am middle of the road, cute but chunky, middle aged now.... given my families lovely genetics.... 31 is middle aged for us.
So, now here I am. About to use and abuse my right to free speech..... I guess saying I am middle of the road is only half true, can you a moderate extremist? Hence the Serenity in Turmoil, I seem to enjoy walking contradictions better then anything..... and they are very fitting to me personally......
Ok, so flash forward..... It's now December..... I have no fucking Christmas spirit at all. I am so not fa la la la-ing.... I had the hardest time yesterday. I was totally faking the funk and just trying to get the friggen xmas tree up... ya ya ya I know my dad died this year.... mourning and all I don't have to put one up... but again. I have kids.... I really don't want my father to haunt me about not giving them a tree, I'd really rather he haunt me to let me know where he put the effing will... but ya know.... any who.....
So I am digging through the boxes of shit we have collected over the years... all snowmen and Santa... eww...
and hiding in the corner of the last box was a pile of last years Xmas cards.... SWEET! Nope.... bottom of the pile is last years bday card from my dad..... Boo..... so much for hoping the decorations would put me in the holiday mood.....
Anyways I probably suck at this, I am OK at writing the kids book reports and science projects... but those audiences don't really have a choice.... So I am shooting my rambling brain into the Internet to see what comes back.... some advice from the cosmos that does NOT consist of... It gets easier.... some fucking aspiring phone psychic who claims to know where my old man hid the extra copy of the will.....a shitty email from his wife's daughter who will prolly recognize the story.... or maybe, nothing at all.... some fucking peace from the voices that don't shut the fuck up.
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