Part of me

I'd like to be the girl I once was
it wasn't that long ago she was there
a smile on her face the wind in her hair
the pain not yet present, the age not yet there

She seems so young so very carefree
It's hard to look at her and know it was me
A life so simple, a smile so easy
A simple grace that is no longer around me

So proud and so strong, so young and so free
she doesn't recognize what she sees as I stand before her
tired and worn, ragged and torn
I know who I was, she knows not whats to come

The pain that's deep inside, the battles within
the things that make me not feel like myself within my skin.
The actual events may not seem to grim
The pain that they caused almost not able to be kept in

Family ties, old family legends and lore
the stories I'd been told, the things I'd been taught
like treasures to unfold.
I try to recall them, and share them with the kids
the things that we'd done
the places we've been
the people that we were and the homes we've lived in
The sauce that only Grandma could make
The cookies that I would help her bake

The garden so full of delish things
The tomatoes lined up in grandpas lil rings
Pumpkins and cucumbers peppers and more
all in sizes not found in the store

These things that I have left inside my head
the things you can't do now that your dead
The kids won't have the memories,
they won't know the lore, I have to pass the stories

There's things I won't know, people I can't name
Faces of people that I never knew.
Those people have the stories, those people have the key
They hold our past, they know our history

I wish that you were here ,it's selfish, I know
the reality is, the sad and grieving woman,
is what's left of me

The young and careless woman, her smile fades away
her strength is now a facade
Her hair is turning grey
Her smile's not so fast
All that she can do, is hold onto the past.